JILL BLANC

Kimora Lee once said “Always dress like you’re going to see your worst enemy.”

You know that person who you haven’t seen in ages but you really want to look amazing when you do eventually meet them? An ex, a frenemy, that mother from the school gate that always manages to pass comment on your appearance?

So one lazy Sunday afternoon, when you are chilling in your comfy, never-worn-outside-the-house trackie, you realise that the kids have drunk all the bloody milk and you’re just dying for a sweet milky cup of tea. Sudden dilemma: Do you chance running to the shops looking like you’ve been dragged through the hedge backward, or do you go to the bother of throwing on a pair of jeans and brushing your hair? But you’re just so comfy, and sure you’ll be so quick it won’t be worth your while – decision made, manky-chic is a go.

Yep, we’ve all done it. I’d like to think that I haven’t but I have…

So you hop in the car and think, surely you’ll be so fast that no one will see you. You arrive at the shop, the car park is fairly empty. Result. You’ll definitely be quick. As you pick up the milk and casually peruse the biscuit aisle to go with your tea, you look up and, oh-my-freakin-gawd, two aisles over, you spot THAT person!

Crap crap crap! Time for ninja stealth tactics. Cue Mission Impossible theme music. You try and keep your head down and creep the long way round the supermarket, keeping a wide birth from your ex/frenemy/school-gate-bitch, and just pray he/she doesn’t see you. For once being a short-arse pays off as you don’t have to duck down too much to hide from being seen over the shelves. You pay for your milk and impulse-bought choccy biccies and without looking around you skooch out the door. You’re almost at the car…  the relief… you’re definitely clear.

But then… “Oh hi Jiiillllll”… Oh fuck!